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| http://www.morguefile.com/creative/summerbanks |
Like any loss, a job loss often results in a feeling of
grief. Inevitably you must mourn the loss of the job and all that it
provided: Security, money, self-esteem, status, identity, etc. Having a concrete goal can help you through the grieving process.
I like this model for dealing with loss that is similar to the traditional Kubler Ross Model, but this one provides additional, more positive stages. 7 stages for moving BEYOND the grief.
1.
SHOCK & DENIAL-
In this
stage you will feel generally numb – this serves as a coping mechanism to
protect you from what may be potentially overwhelming. If you have recently
lost your job you may be unable to think about how you feel about that loss,
what you will do, and so forth. This stage keeps you moving forward physically
and ensures you will meet all your basic needs.
What you can
do: You should take this
opportunity to breathe. Literally. Keep a notebook with you
during this, and the following stages, and write EVERYTHING down. Write
down the smallest thoughts and feelings, as they come to mind. Let
yourself be emotional and feel. The worst thing you can do is to
block yourself off from your emotions. To refocus: Keep a
separate section for any positive thoughts or ideas that come to mind – you
will find comfort in these as you progress through the various stages.
2. PAIN & GUILT-
Pain and
heart-break are laced with guilt in this stage. You may relate it to a lost
love from which you suffered in the past.
Self-blame is common: You may know
it must be that you are not worthy or must have deserved it.
What you can
do: Accept comfort and seek out
others who care about you and/or who have had similar experiences, or are
currently working through this process themselves. To
refocus: Think about when you have experienced a similar feelings –
what helped? What didn’t? Repeat those things or
techniques that are tried and true.
3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Anger is
normal. You may reach this stage pretty quickly after a job loss, whether
through lay-off, illness, injury or takeover. Accept this, express it, but be
mindful how you do so – you may need the help of those closest to you during
the next days, weeks, and/or months.
What you can
do: Anger is normal. If
it helps, scream into a pillow or an empty field (if you have one
available). You may pound your fists on the bed or jump up and down in a
tantrum if you are able. Sometimes you just need to physically
express your anger to get through it. If you are a religious person,
you might plead with your higher power at this point, promising anything from a
new and improved you to all the money you will ever earn if you can just get a
new job. To refocus: Continue to write in your notebook
(call it a journal if you want). Ask yourself what you are angry
about. Return to the section of your notebook in which you wrote any
positive ideas or thoughts for your return to work or just in general.
4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
It is
important for you to “feel” how you feel – you are likely to feel depressed and
lonely. You are cut off from your normal social network. The bottom line is
just the act of getting up, dressed, out to work every day, and interacting with others gives you some social
and emotional support that is felt missing at this point. You should allow these feelings,
recognize them, and think about what support you need going forward.
What you can
do: If you are feeling depressed or
lonely, take this time to be alone and think about your current
situation. If you feel too lonely seek out others who you respect
and/or have a positive, supportive nature. To refocus: Take stock of your
assets (literally and figuratively). These may include your skills
and abilities as well as your financial assets.
5. THE UPWARD TURN-
Eventually
you will attain a rhythm in your recuperation and/or job search and networking
and will feel some sort of calm and organization. You may flash back
occasionally to feelings of guilt when you realize this. Understand that this
is the first step in moving beyond your grief from the loss of your job and
that it is entirely NORMAL.
What you can
do: Have a goal, complete with time frame, and steps that you can take
toward that goal. Make your goal more specific and meaningful than
“Get a job.” For example, will you settle for any job right
now and then move on to find a better one? Or, do you have the
resources to spend numerous months to search for a job at a given
level? To refocus: Write down your goal and when you want
to achieve it (it can be modified if necessary), develop a schedule (also in
writing) that will allow you to reach your goal. Review your
schedule and goal daily.
6.
RECONSTRUCTION &
WORKING THROUGH-
As you begin
the upward turn, you will eventually be able to think about where you want to
be and what type of job you might like to have. For many, this is the first
time they have had the opportunity to consider what type of job they might like
to do and/or what they ENJOY. Many note that the lay-off, downsizing, or job
change was the best thing that could have happened because it forced them to
look at what is out there relative to what they have to offer.
What you can
do: Keep writing in your notebook and re-evaluate your progress and
which goals you want to keep on a weekly basis. What is
working? What is not getting you the interviews you need to get
hired? Try to use a critical eye, if this is difficult, seek the help of an
expert or a mentor.
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
Eventually,
you will be able to accept that you may not be the same exact person you were
before your “loss”, but somehow you are the best you can be and you have made
the most of what life has to offer. You are able to move forward, seeking and
finding other employment opportunities. It isn’t easy, but it is possible, even
if it doesn’t seem so right now.
What you can do: You will gain confidence and hope from your
activity. Stay organized and act on every lead as soon as possible
without being overly hasty. Note
anything positive that happens during the day, whether or not it is job search
related. Make your plan for the next day
so that you have something to look forward to.
You may not progress neatly
through these stages, but most people will experience some level of each stage. Treat
this part of your life as a leg of a journey, secure in the knowledge that you
will end up where you need to be. http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html
How do you cope with loss? Comment Below or email me!
Mary Sherwood, MS, CDMS, CCM
lifeworks@mail.com
Professional, Rehab, &; Occupational Services, LLC
http://www.life-works.info
http://www.injuredworkerhelpdesk.com
https://www.linkedin.com/in/marysevinsky
Landline 302.644.1827 | Mobile: 410.444.1989 | Skype Mary E. Sherwood
Another article that may be of interest:
Feb 13, 2013
Often, unemployed job seekers set a long term goal of to "get a job." If you are employed and looking for work you may think your goal is to "find another job" or to "get a better job." A more definitive goal with clear cut time .
Let me know how you are doing or how I can help!
Comment below or reach out.
