HOW
TO GET A JOB WITHOUT LOSING YOUR FAMILY
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| Photo from: http://www.morguefile.com/creative/doctor_bob |
One of the hardest things about being out of work is
the loss of a regular schedule. Think
about it – when you are working your
entire life revolves around working.
Any significant change in your work s impacts not only you but your
family. Financially…sure, but also
emotionally.
Your spouse and children may suffer from the negative effects from your lack of schedule
more than you do. Or, the effects may be
less apparent or seemingly unconnected to these changes.
As
a job seeker, you may work diligently to get all your job searching done while
your loved ones are at work or school.
This may or may not be helpful.
INCLUDE YOUR FAMILY IN YOUR JOB SEARCH TO REDUCE
STRESS
The unknown can be a major stress, especially for
children. They may be able to verbalize
you are not working right now. They may
even be able to understand that you are looking for work and working hard at
it. But, children will tend to act out
what they don’t understand or know how to deal with.
If
your children are acting out or express any negative effects from your current
situation, it can cause additional stress on your spouse or your
relationship. Spouses want to be
supportive and helpful. Your spouse may
even bend over backwards to smooth things over.
This
can be true even if you are working.
When one spouse has a more demanding career or is less able to gather
the stamina to deal with balancing work and family life, then the other often
rallies to the task.
“Don’t confuse
having a career with having a life” – Hillary Clinton
Work-Life
balance can be as difficult as a tightrope walk on the best of days. If you are unemployed, these are likely NOT
the best of days. So, you may need to
focus more on the emotional support of your family than you would have if you
were working.
HOW CAN YOU FIND A JOB AND KEEP YOUR FAMILY HAPPY?
Working is easier to understand than not working, but
busy. Helping your family understand
what you are doing to find a job may make it a little easier to understand that
your job now is to find a job. Easier
said than done, of course!
There
are a few things you can do to make an extended job search a bit easier for
your family:
1.
Keep a schedule as
close as possible to how it would be if you were working. Get dressed in the morning and send a clear
message that you are getting down to business. Don’t allow interruptions in
your work day from family members – would they call you or drop by if you were
at work? A schedule will communicate a comforting consistency to small
children and spouses as well. Email
me for a suggested job search schedule.
2.
Post a combined schedule for everyone in the house in a common area. Google and Hotmail are two online calendars
that allow you to view different family members’
schedules on one combined calendar.
Outlook will do this on your computer and, I am sure there are others
out there as well. Print and post weekly
or use a large paper calendar. This will
take some of the mystery out of what your day is like.
3.
Ask for input
from even the youngest child. No one
likes to feel lost and powerless. Include everyone in the process of weekly
scheduling and ask for input on anything you might have forgotten or not
considered.
4.
Share homework time.
Simple things like haring homework time with children or cooking dinner with
your spouse can provide a sense of connectedness your relationships may be lacking.
I understand the urge to take care of
everything – I do it myself! But, this
can feel very different to the recipient than you may intend. A sense of normalcy is what you need now, not to prove you are taking care of more
because you are bringing in less.
5.
Be positive, but not unrealistic. Children know
when you are not being honest with them.
Don’t ask me how! But, they
know. You may be tempted to only share the good news with them, but really – if the
news were all THAT good you would be working now instead of hoping to. It is fine to be hopeful and positive. But, you can use this time to teach lessons about the labor market and
economy and education. Share your
concerns to a certain extent – this way your children and spouse will know you
are dealing with the worry and dealing with it well. This will reassure them.
What do you do to make keep balance in your family while
you are looking for work? Leave a comment!
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